


Nude Fondue

by javabi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cooking, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Food Fight, Humor, Mischief, Nudity, Teasing, as you can see this fic is a bit of an adventure, james appreciates the muggle lifestyle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3575964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/javabi/pseuds/javabi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 1979. Lily and James go grocery shopping and James decides he wants to try cooking a fondue recipe he finds at the supermarket. As you can imagine, chaos (and some nudity) ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nude Fondue

“I still don't understand why we need to come here to get food. I mean, I've got no problem with how Muggles do their thing, but we can do magi–!”

“James! Watch your mouth.” Lily admonished in a whisper. She turned towards a Muggle woman who had been eyeing the couple suspiciously and smiled, hoping it would be enough to move her along. It worked, so Lily turned back to her fiance. “And you _know_ why we have to use the supermarket–”

“--right, because we're part of the Order, which makes us basically spies, so we have to sneak about all the time.” James interrupted matter-of-factly. He grabbed a plastic jar of vegetables from the bottom of a nearby display, causing the rest of the jars to tumble onto the floor. Grinning sheepishly, he shot Lily an apologetic look while she tried to conceal a laugh.

“No, it's not because we're spies.” She lowered her voice as a group of Muggles passed them. “It's because of Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration – ring a bell?”

James kneeled to start cleaning up the vegetables. When Lily joined him on the floor, he muttered scathingly, “Evans, you are talking to the only person in our year to score top marks in the Transfiguration N.E.W.T. – Gamp is the man.”

“Then you know food is one of the five exceptions to his law.” Lily replied coolly, rising to her feet to place the last jar back on top of the display. “Hence, supermarket. We can't make food appear out of thin air.”

James scowled as she walked away from him. He'd be looking that up later, just to be sure.

“Hurry up, Potter. We've got other things to do today!”

James grinned to himself and ran to catch up.

* * *

  
“Lils! Look what I've just found! Some bloke was handing them out at the other end of the aisle!” Jogging up to his fiance excitedly, a small flier clutched in his hand, James could've easily been mistaken for a small child if he was about a foot and a half shorter.

Lily didn't look away from the wall of soup she had been examining. “What's that?”

“It's– hang on–” James adjusted his glasses and scanned the flier in his hand. “Some kind of Muggle recipe. Erm – fun-dooey? Fone-doh?”

“Fondue?”

“I dunno, but the Muggle who gave it to me said it was good.”

Lily looked at him. She couldn't help but smile; his eyes were bright with excitement, cheeks flushed gleefully, an easy grin plastered to his face. Who the hell would even get this enthusiastic about a random Muggle recipe?

James Potter, that's who. And possibly Arthur Weasley.

“You want to make fondue?”

“I have no idea what that means, but yes. I'd love to make _anything_ with you, Evans.” He somehow managed to make this sound sexy. Bastard.

Lily tried to roll her eyes, but knew she had failed miserably as she felt a blush creeping up on her face. “It means we put the ingredients together and eat it. Interested?”

“Yes.”

“Even if it turns out to be gross?”

“If it turns out to be gross I'll Transfigure it into something not gross.”

Lily laughed. “Fair enough. C'mon, hand that over, then. Let's figure out what else we need to buy.”

* * *

  
“Lils, can you pass me the milk?”

Unsurprisingly, their tiny kitchen inside their tiny cottage looked like a shopping cart full of dairy products had exploded in it. Ingredients sprawled across every surface, and many were stacked on top of cooking utensils and heaps of spellbooks. An open block of cream cheese was spilling out onto a few scraps of parchment (hopefully nothing too important) because Lily couldn't resist sliding her fingers through it for a snack occasionally. She licked some from her thumb as she handed James the milk carton.

“Is that stuff really _that_ good to you?” he asked, watching her with a mixture of fascination and horror.

“You've never had cream cheese before?”

“Not without a bagel underneath it, no. You just eat it plain? Is that a Muggle thing?”

Lily grinned as she scooped another fingerful from the cream cheese block. “Nope, it's a 'me' thing. Want to try?” she asked playfully, sticking her cheesy finger in his direction with the gusto of a medieval knight throwing down a gauntlet.

James raised his eyebrows. “Evans, are you _trying_ to be overtly sexual with me right now, or...?”

“Do you want to try it or not?”

After a brief bark of laughter, James leapt from the counter he had been sitting on and was in front of Lily in less than a second. Gently, he wrapped his hand around her wrist, presumably to make it easier for him to get the cream cheese. But before he could even open his mouth Lily smeared the entire sticky glob onto his cheek, spreading it all the way across his nose and to the other cheek in one fluid motion.

After a shocked pause, James started laughing uproariously.

“You're gonna get it, Evans.”

Lily smirked. “Go on, then.”

With barely a moment's hesitation, James reached into a nearby bag of shredded cheddar cheese, withdrew a handful, and sprinkled it copiously over Lily's head. He pulled a jeering face at her before she could retaliate, then quickly ran from the room, cackling like a madman.

“Oh, you're done for, Potter!” she called into the next room, but the grin remained stuck to her face even as she shook the cheese out of her hair. Lily grabbed the milk carton and sprinted after him.

* * *

  
Luckily (for their furniture, mostly) the food fight ended before Lily had to resort to throwing milk on her hapless fiance. This was also partially due to the fact that James had fallen to his knees and begged for mercy as soon as he saw the carton in her hand.

Lily settled with dousing him with water from the end of her wand instead.

“Oi!” James yelped, water dripping from his hair, nose, and robes. His look of surprise quickly changed into something mischievous. That was never a good sign. “Well, I guess I'll just have to cook without these now...” As he said it, James began pulling off his wet robes.

Confused, Lily said, “Or you could just use a Siphoning Char–”

“No, no, I'm absolutely drenched,” James interrupted, his voice high and playful. “It's all got to come off.”

“...all?!”

By this point James was down to nothing but his boxers, but not for long.

Moments later, Lily was standing in front of a very naked (and very smug-looking) James Potter.

Without missing a beat, Lily asked, “So your plan is to cook fondue... naked?”

“Yep.”

“Why, exactly?”

“Well, I'm not gonna do it alone, am I?”

Lily realized what he was going to do about a second before he actually did it. “Oh, for Merlin's sake, James, no–!”

Too late. She was also doused in water.

“Argh! James!”

For a reply she simply got a delighted grin.

“You realize I'm just going to use a Siphoning Charm, right? Because I'm not taking off my clothes.”

“Suit yourself,” said James, sprawling his stupid, bare ass across their kitchen table. “but nudity is very freeing.”

When Lily didn't immediately reply, he started sprinkling shredded cheese all over his chest. It looked so ridiculous that Lily burst out laughing and decided making fondue with her fiance naked wasn't the worst idea ever.

“Get me the big saucepan, you dweeb.” Lily said affectionately once all her clothes were lying in a sopping heap on the floor.

It might've been the greatest moment of James' life.

* * *

  
The fondue, as it turned out, was delicious.

“Lils, oh Merlin– it just melts in your mouth!”

“Wait, you have to try it on this bit of sourdough bread I just found –”

“What if we made a fondue sandwich? Look, let's put a really thick layer on this bread, and then more... yeah more. And then another slice–”

“This is it, James. We're eating this for the rest of our lives.”

The two of them were seated at the kitchen table (yes, still in the nude), the saucepan full of fondue in front of them, dipping literally every food they had in the cottage into the cheesy goodness.

Unfortunately, rejoicing over said cheesy goodness prevented them from hearing two people Apparate directly into the entranceway.

“'lo, lovebirds! It's just me and Moony. Sorry we didn't knock – Peter said you had some unwanted company on your street this morning and we didn't want to – oh for Merlin's sake, you two!”

Sirius and Remus walked into the room to find a pair of naked people calmly sharing fondue in the middle of their disaster-zone of a kitchen.

“Hey, Sirius!” said James excitedly, completely ignoring the shocked reactions of his two friends. “You lads have _got_ to try this stuff – it's called fondue and it's bloody incredible.”

“Is it drugged, by any chance?” said Remus cautiously, refusing to look anywhere but the floor out of politeness.

“We made it just now,” Lily replied, apparently as unfazed by her nudity as James was about his.

“Great. Can we exchange recipes _after_ you two decide to return from Hippie Central and put your clothes back on?” said Sirius weakly. “Not that we haven't seen your junk millions of times, Prongs, but it's a bit rude to sit there stitchless while your guests are... stitchful.”

“Nope. New house rule – while you are under this roof, you only eat fondue naked.” James replied gleefully.

Remus sighed. “Your house, your rules. But can we do this nude fondue ritual some other time, please? The Order meeting starts in ten minutes.”

* * *

  
Nearly a month later, Lily returned from a mission and noticed the cottage smelled like warm cheese again. Smiling to herself, she made her way towards the kitchen, eager for another fondue-filled evening with James.

When she opened the kitchen door she was greeted by the sight of a table full of breads, crackers, fruits, vegetables, and a giant bowl of cheese fondue. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were seated around the table, avidly discussing how delicious the fondue was.

“Peter – no really, try the bit of apple. Don't pull that face at me, you'll love it –”

“Who invented fondue anyway? I could kiss them!”

“Pass the bread, Sirius? I'm gonna make another sandwich.”

“Don't tell Molly, but this is the best thing I've ever eaten.”

All four of them were stark naked.

**Author's Note:**

> For the record: the number of tears I shed while writing this fic is a little pathetic. Everything about Jily makes me emotional, I can't help it.
> 
> Anyway - I think James would definitely have an appreciation for Muggle things, especially because Lily is such an expert. This fic spawned from the idea of James wanting to try something out just because he wanted to learn more about Lily's pre-Hogwarts life, which I think is sweet :) Also - I definitely think Lily was a bit of a little shit herself, so I wanted to portray her more mischievous side.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it - thanks so much for reading!


End file.
